The Last Seven Days, Part 3: Belief

<<< Nakaraan

JOEY: Hello?

SEPH: Hello, Joey, bakit hindi mo sinasagot?

JOEY: Seph? Ikaw ba yan?

SEPH: Bakit? Sino ine-expect mo?

JOEY: Hindi, wala, nasa CR kasi ako eh, tawagan na lang ulit kita mamaya, ok?

SEPH: Sige, bye.

JOEY: Ok, bye.

Binaba ni Joey ang cellphone, at nanlilisik ang mga matang tumitig kay Seph.

JOEY: Who the hell was that? Bakit kaboses na kaboses mo siya? What's this? Is this a sick joke na naisip n'yo nila Treena? Well, Mr. Reyes, malayo pa po ang April Fools, and as so you know, it isn't funny. Cut it out, ok?

SEPH: Joey, this is not a joke.

JOEY: Then what is it?

SEPH: Hindi ko din alam! Ang alam ko lang, 4 days ago, Thursday night, nakipag-break ka sa kin. Nagkita tayo nung Friday, we had a closure. Then, I was wasted for a couple of days, yesterday, kinontak ako nila Treena, nagkayayaan, nag-inuman kami, I drove home, drunk, I had an accident, and then, THIS. Ok?

JOEY: So, alam mo na pala?

SEPH: Ang alin?

JOEY: Na gusto ko nang makipag-break.

SEPH: Well, you told me Ms. Santiago. Nakipag-break ka sa kin, gusto mo ipakita ko pa sa' yo text mo.

JOEY: Tama na, ok! Sino nagsabi sa 'yo? Sila Franz?

SEPH: Ha? Hindi. Alam mo namang hindi ko kasundo mga officemates mo di 'ba... Teka, you mean you were planning this all along?

JOEY: No, hindi ko 'to plinano, ano ka ba...

SEPH: So niloko mo ko all this time. What... Wednesday, magkasama lang tayo, you even told me you love me.

JOEY: When I told you that I love you, I meant it! Hindi porket makikipaghiwalay ako hindi na kita mahal. This is not something I have planned, this is something that I want. I was just looking for the right moment.

SEPH: ...

JOEY: Ok, now... I get it. Nalaman mo na gusto kong makipag-break, and now, you're doing this to win me back. Kinuntsaba mo pa sila Treena, then what, siguro nag-hire kayo ng kaboses mo para tawagan ako... And, what, the accident? Was that fake? Grabe yung nangyari sa sasakyan mo, tapos ikaw, halos wala kang galos... (Gasp) How romantic of you to do this elaborate...plan... well, knowing you, hindi na ko magugulat... Ano, tama?

SEPH: No.

JOEY: (Stare)

SEPH: Hindi ko ma-explain. I know, you wouldn't believe it, I can't believe it either, so let's see. Magbihis ka, alis tayo.

JOEY: Sa'n tayo pupunta?

SEPH: Basta, somewhere, I want to make sure of something. May damit pa ba akong naiwan dito?

JOEY: Sa drawer, andy'an pa yung t-shirt mong gray.

---

Naglalakad sila Seph and Joey papasok sa mall na madalas nilang puntahan nung College. Tumigil sila pagdating malapit sa isang video shop.

JOEY: What are we doing here?

SEPH: Dito tayo madalas mag-rent di ba?

JOEY: Yah, I know. What, magre-rent ka? Bakit sinama mo pa ko?

SEPH: No, I'm trying to prove something. If my memory is right, bumili ako ng DVD last Saturday. Hindi ko lang maalala yung exact time. Pero, sure ako, pupunta ako dito.

JOEY: What the hell? Pinaninindigan mo na talaga yang...

SEPH: Wait, quiet.

On the other side of the hallway, naglalakad ang isang lalaking kamukha ni Seph papunta sa same video store. Nagtago sila Seph at Joey sa gilid ng isang stall.

SEPH: See that, that's me, right?

JOEY: (Hindi makapaniwala) Could be. Or a body double. Pwedeng kamukha mo lang na hi-nire nyo para...

SEPH: Listen, Joey, hindi kita niloloko or something. I think I know what this is. I think, I'm from the future, from your future. I think I was sent back here to fix something. I think, I am here, to fix our relationship.

JOEY: Do you really want me to believe that bullshit?

SEPH: Joey! Listen to me! Do you think I would go this far to lie to you? Please, realize, that this is divine intervention! This is God himself, telling you to not leave me.

JOEY: I don't know... I don't know kung maniniwala ako sa 'yo...

SEPH: Joey, please. Siguro ganun nga, bumalik ako, para pigilan kang makipag-break sa 'kin.

JOEY: ...

SEPH: Please... please, believe me. I think I can fix this. I know I can fix this. It's not too late. Just give me time, and we can still be together.

---

12:16 PM. Kumakain ng lunch sila Seph at Joey sa isang fastfood on the same mall they were in. Matagal silang tahimik, hindi nag-uusap.

SEPH: Are we gonna be like this the whole day?

JOEY: What?

SEPH: We're not even talking.

JOEY: I don't know... you talk, d'yan ka naman magaling 'di ba? Plus, this weird shit you keep on insisting. I don't know if I'm going to believe it.

SEPH: ...

JOEY: Is it true?

SEPH: Huh?

JOEY: That I will finally broke up...err, break up.. broken up... grr, na nag-break tayo! God, I can't even think of the right verb to use.

SEPH: Yes. You texted me. Nagpunta ako sa inyo, then...

JOEY: What did I say?

SEPH: That we've changed. That it's not like before.

JOEY: ...

SEPH: I can't believe it.

JOEY: Then start believing. Change is constant, ikaw nagsabi n'yan sa 'kin 'di ba?

SEPH: Yah, but not THIS change. Plus, we can prevent it kung gusto natin.

JOEY: For what? If we prevent it we're just delaying the inevitable.

SEPH: That's bullshit. Ikaw na nagsabi 'di ba, kung gusto, palaging may paraan.

JOEY: Now you're using my words against me.

SEPH: You did it first.

JOEY: ...

SEPH: ...

JOEY: See that... We can't even agree on something. Nung College, magkasundo tayo sa lahat ng bagay... that's the change that I'm referring to.

SEPH: Well, we're two different person, that's normal.

JOEY: ...

SEPH: ...

JOEY: What are we arguing about anyway?

SEPH: Ewan.

JOEY: ...

SEPH: Joey. Do you still love me?

JOEY: ...

SEPH: I want you to look into your heart, tell me now, 6 days before you decided to break up, do you still love me?

Joey looked away, took a sip of Coke and pondered for a moment. Seph was eagerly waiting for her answer, natatakot sa mga maririnig niyang sagot, ngunit umaasa rin na magugustuhan niya ang sasabihin ng dalaga.

Joey looked into Seph's eyes, looking for something, something that, 8 or 9 months ago she might have sought, but now, is difficult to find. She dug for words, pero hindi niya maisip kung anong sasabihin.

SEPH: Do you still love me?

Seph's question kept creeping into her mind. Pa'no siya sasagot? Anong sasabihin niya? His question is the same question she's been asking her heart for a long time now.

SEPH: Do you still love me?

JOEY: ...

SEPH: ...

JOEY: I don't know.

Itutuloy...

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The Last Seven Days, Part 2: Confusion

<<< Nakaraan

Seph: Why?

Joey: I don't love you anymore...

Seph: Why?

Joey: I don't love you anymore...

Seph: Why...?

---

Dahan-dahang lumabas si Seph ng sasakyan. Hindi siya makapaniwalang maayos pa niyang naigagalaw ang katawan niya. He can hardly stand up, saka nya napansin na marami palang tao. He checked himself, nagulat siya nang makita niyang wala siyang sugat maliban sa hiwa sa pisngi na nakuha niya ng pinilit niyang lumabas sa bintana ng driver's seat.

Lumakad siyang iika-ika patungo sa sidewalk at naupo sandali sa gutter. Taob ang sasakyan niya, grabe ang sira nito. Pinagtitinginan na siya ng mga nasa paligid, napatingin siya sa kanyang relo -6:45 PM- labasan ng mga nag-oopisina, kaya pala maraming tao. Mula sa mga estrangherong nakatingin sa kanya ng may nag-aalalang mata, he heard a familiar voice.

Seph?!

Hindi niya alam kung nagha-hallucinate lang siya, pero kilala niya ang boses na yun.

******: Oh my God! Seph, ano nangyari sa 'yo?

Seph: Joey?

Lumabas mula sa crowd ng tao si Joey, tumakbo papunta sa kanya.

Joey: Oh my God! Car mo yun? Oh my God, sabi ko naman kasi wag ka pumunta di ba, oh my God, ayos ka lang? May sugat ka ba? Napilayan ka ba? C'mon, get up, punta tayong hospital. (To the crowd) Somebody call a taxi please...

Dahan-dahang inalalayan ni Joey si Seph, tinulungan na rin siya ng ibang lalakeng nasa scene ng accident. Sumakay sila ng taxi.

Seph: Joey, I love you...

Joey: I know honey, just relax... we're going to the hospital.

Seph: Please don't leave me...

Joey: I won't...

Seph: Please don't leave me...

Please don't leave me...

DAY 1

Seph opened his eyes. He's in a room, probably a hospital, he told himself. Tumingin siya sa kaliwa, nasa tabi niya si Joey.

Seph: Ano nangyari?

Joey: You had an accident, can't you remember?

Seph: Oo, naalala ko galing ako sa...

Joey: Lasing ka ba?

Seph: Hindi, konti lang...

Joey: Putang ina mo Seph, ano ba pumasok d'yan sa isip mo at nagda-drive ka ng lasing? And why are you drunk? Di ba kalalabas mo lang ng opisina?

Seph: Joey...

Joey: Ano bang problema mo Seph? Nagpapakamatay ka ba? May pumunta ditong mga pulis kanina, you have to pay for the lamppost you broke.

Pilit iniangat ni Seph ang katawan niya.

Joey: Are you ok? Sabi ng doktor, hindi naman daw grabe ang lagay mo, pwede ka nang lumabas. Kung nakakatayo ka na, ihahatid na kita sa inyo.

Seph: No Joey, please, stay by my side.

Joey: Ok... sige..., dun ka muna sa bahay, magpaalam na lang ako kay Tita.

---

Seph: Why...?

Joey: I've changed, you've changed.

Seph: Why...?

Joey: We hardly know each other anymore.

Seph: Why...?

---

The sun was already up when Seph awoke. Nakahiga siya sa kama ni Joey, it wasn't a dream, he thought. Tumayo siya sa kama at kinapa ang band-aid sa pisngi, he thought of the accident, kung paanong may tumawid bigla sa kalsada, kumabig siya, nawalan ng control at tumaob ang sasakyan.

He looked around, marami na palang nagbago sa kuwarto ni Joey. Wala pang bedside table ang dalaga nung huli siyang nakitulog sa kuwarto nito. On that bedside table, nakapatong ang laptop ni Joey na nagbu-boot up. Napaisip si Seph, magti-Tweet siya, "I got drunk last night, drove myself home, had an accident, and guess what? I survived!". Kinapa ang bulsa, wala yung iPhone niya, naiwan siguro sa sasakyan. Hinintay niyang mag-boot up ang laptop, pumasok na siguro sa opisina si Joey, sa isip-isip niya.

Pagkabukas ng laptop, he logged in to Twitter, saka niya napansin ang date -March 19, Saturday- something's wrong, he thought. Tiningnan niya ang alarm clock ni Joey, -March 19-, tumayo siya, sumilip sa bintana, maya-maya pa pumasok si Joey sa kuwarto, carrying a tray with food.

Seph: Hindi ka ba papasok ngayon?

Joey: Saturday ngayon, wala akong pasok, ano ka ba...

Seph: No, Tuesday kahapon...

Joey: Hah? Tumama ba ulo or something? Friday kahapon, you had an accident.

Seph: Anong date ngayon?

Joey: I don't know... 19? Yah, 19.

Seph: No, no, no, it's March 30. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali, nag-inuman kami nila Treena.

Joey: Sila Treena? Why didn't you tell me na magkikita kayo nila Treena?

Seph: Because you broke up with me, remember?

Joey: (blank stare)

Seph: Naalala mo na?

Joey looked away, nilapag ang cup of coffee sa sidetable, kasama ng isang platito ng bread, at ang liver spread.

Joey: Ano bang pinagsasasabi mo? Hindi kita maintindihan. Lasing ka pa ba?

Nagulat ang dalawa ng mag-ring ang phone ni Joey, she looked at it, nagtaka siya sa nakita.

Seph: Sino yan?

Joey: It's you, err, your number. Nawawala yung phone mo kagabi, naiwan siguro sa sasakyan, sabi ko tawagan ako pag nahanap nila.

Seph: No, don't answer that.

Joey dropped the call.

Joey: Why?

Seph: I know this may sound weird but I think there's something wrong...

Joey: Eh?

Nag-ring ulit ang phone. Seph and Joey just looked at each other blankly, then she answered the phone.

Joey: Hello?

******: Hello, Joey, bakit hindi mo sinasagot?

Joey: Seph? Ikaw ba yan?

Itutuloy >>>

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The Last Seven Days, Part 1: Friends

It was 4 days ago, nang nakipag-break si Joey.

A day after that, pumunta si Seph sa bahay niya asking for explanations.

For a couple of hours, they were quiet, hindi nag-aaway, hindi nagsisigawan, hindi nagsusumbatan. Joey explained, and he heard the things he never imagined he would hear from her.

3 days ago, Seph didn’t showed up for work. Inubos niya ang buong araw na naglalasing.

2 days ago, same.

Yesterday, ganun pa rin.

Early this morning, nakatanggap siya ng text mula sa isang College friend nila ni Joey.

To think na 3 years na silang hindi nagkita-kita na magbabarkada, he never expected na kokontakin siya ni Treena. Natawa na lang si Seph, gusto nyang sabihin na 3 days na siyang umiinom.

---

10 PM, sa Metrowalk, nagkita-kita ang magbabarkada, nakapwesto na sila Treena, Lex at Faye ng dumating si Seph.

Treena: Finally! Akala ko i-indyanin mo na kami.

Seph: Sorry, mahirap mag-park eh. Kamusta na? Long time no see...

Lex: Heto, climbing the corporate ladder.. but, we're not here to talk about us, we're here to talk about you. What happened man?

Seph: Joey... She quit on me pare...

Treena: Just like that? 5 years, and just like that?

Faye: Ano daw reason?

Seph: Sabi niya, she doesn't know me anymore.. that she wants to find herself..

Lex: That cliche again?

Faye: Ano ba, as much as its cliche, that's real...

Lex: What? Ano kailangan mong hanapin, if you're happy with the person..

Faye: Well, kung ganun ang decision niya, wala na tayo magagawa, just give her time and space.

Seph: But I love her!

Treena: Yes, we know, and I believe she knows that as well, pero, sometimes, love isn't enough.

Lex: Bullshit, kanta yan eh...

Treena: Shut up! Alam mo, Seph...

Faye: Teka, dude, baka naman wala ka nang time sa kanya?

Seph: I always have time for her. Yes, busy minsan, pero pagdating sa kanya... sa tingin ko hindi naman ako nagkulang...

Lex: Baka naman may third-party involved?

Seph: Wala siyang sinabi, pero may kutob na ko noon pa...

Lex: Fuck!

Seph: She has this officemate na panay ang buntot sa kanya...

Lex: Yun na yun dude, lumandi ang gaga.

Treena: Watch your mouth Alex, friend din natin si Joey, wag mo siyang husgahan..

Faye: Well, kung ganyan na, sa tingin ko, wala na tayong magagawa, kilala nyo naman si Joey, when she makes up her mind di ba, hindi mo na mababago yun... Just, accept it, and move on...

Lex: There are many fish in the sea, pare! All of them, wet!

Treena: Well, seriously... Seph, that's life. Alam ko, first girlfriend mo si Joey, and, bilib na bilib ako sa tagal n'yo, ako wala pa kong relationship na umabot ng ganyan katagal, witness ako sa kung gaano kayo kasaya, nakita ko kung paano mo siya inalagaan, and I think you've been happy for, what, 5 years? Ni hindi ko kayo nakitang nag-away. Sa tingin ko naman it was all worth it.

Faye: Right... you know, that's life. Nothing lasts forever.

Lex: Right, so, how about a toast for Joey and Seph, and the 5 happy years between them...

---

Hours later, Seph was driving home, half-drunk.

Past 1 AM na, hindi na masyadong marami ang sasakyan sa kalsada. Seph was driving trough Ortigas, then turned to EDSA. As he entered Ayala, napadaan siya sa building kung saan pumapasok si Joey. Memories flashed trough his head, sandali niyang pinunasan ang mga luha na nangingilid sa mga mata niya, at pagbalik ng tingin niya sa kalsada, he saw a woman crossing the street right in front of him. Masyadong mabilis ang takbo niya para pumreno kaya kinabig niya ang sasakyan sa kanan, until his car mounted the curb. Umikot ang paningin ni Seph, di na niya alam kung anong nangyayari, he kept on pressing on the pedal, pero hindi umeepekto. He took a deep breath as his windshield shattered, he closed his eyes and he saw Joey's face.

Seph: Joey... Joey...

Itutuloy >>>

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This Is Not About Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood

Yes, I finally finished Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood. Though I originally planned to finish it within a week, it got delayed due to some unfortunate *cough* events, but I still finished it anyway. Though the game's ending (which in all it's fairness is a shocker, but I will not spoil it) never took me by surprise simply because I already watched the ending on Youtube.

Yes, I do that all the time. I enjoy spoiling myself of endings, be it movies or games. You see, I have this desire to know the conclusion of everything in advance. Maybe it's my left side of the brain, or maybe I am just really curious, I still can't understand. One reason could be because I'm a schemer, like what good-'ol Joker once said. I plan things, I make decisions on things that yet to come, that's why I always make it a point to see how it will end early on, or to predict how one thing would happen. I have these strings in my mind, where I connect events and decisions in my life, thinking like, if I do this, this would happen, if I do that, that will happen and so on.

Which all boils down to that unfortunate event that happened recently in my life. What bothers me most now is that, looking back to the time when we were still not together, I realized that I knew back then that this would happen. We were friends for a long time, and I knew her like the back of my hand, and somehow, a small voice inside of me kept on whispering: Don't do this man, don't hit on her, you know her, you know how this would end, you'll just be crying like the little lonely kid you are. But still, despite that self-warning, I still jumped in and fell in love with her.

And to cut the long story short, shit happened, and I'm here in this mess I call life.

And so? Well... I think it happens to some people as well: knowing that doing something will not end up bad but still doing it. Like scientists inventing guns and explosives and weapons of mass destruction even though they knew it will blow up Mother Earth; and government officials knowing that signing this bill, or passing this law will just make things worse, but still doing it anyway. It's the you-knew-the-consequences-but-you-still-did-it syndrome. And it's not just a mis-judgement of good or bad effects, because you know deep inside that the consequences are really not better.

It makes me wonder, can we humans (or at least the people who acknowledge that they are like what I described) really avoid committing mistakes? Can we really make a sound and logical decision if we keep on ignoring the negative consequences? For the world? Or at least, for our own lives? If some guy from the future would return in the past (our present) and warn you that crossing the street would kill you, will it stop you from crossing the street?

You see, I already knew how Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood ended, but I still played it.

Well, in all it's fairness, AC:B is a great game, and I really enjoyed playing it even though I already knew how it will all end, and I would still play it over and over again, and not move on with my life, and still hope that someday we can be together again and.. oh shit, I told you this is not about that game.

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Grow Old With You, My Version

As I was going home this morning, I came up with this song. I wanted it to be reminiscent of Adam Sandler's Grow Old With You from the movie, The Wedding Singer. I made it campy and funny, but still conveys the romantic message of undying love.

Tatanda Kang Dalaga

lyrics by Marvin Tolfo

Di kita mapipigilan kung gusto mong umalis

Wala akong magagawa kundi sa 'yo ay mainis

Hindi ko makakaya pag ikaw sa aki'y mawala

Kaya ngayon baunin mo itong aking sumpa:

Tatanda kang dalaga, tatanda akong binata

Di man tayo mag-asawa, tayo pa rin ang magkasama

Mahal pa rin naman kita kahit ikaw ay mataba

Kahit na ang tamad mo't luto mo ay mapakla

Hindi kita iiwan magalit man ang tatay mo

Kahit ako ay iyong talikuran, isinusumpa ko:

Tatanda kang dalaga, tatanda akong binata

Di man tayo mag-asawa, tayo pa rin ang magkasama

Eh ano kung mayaman siya, mabait naman ako

Lagi ko ngang sinusunod ang utos ng nanay mo

Sige lang magsama kayo, magsasawa ka rin d'yan

Ako lang naman ang makakatiis sa ugali mong ganyan

Ano ngayon kung bitter ako, masakit ang yong ginawa

Kaya, heto, tandaan mo ang aking sumpa:

Pagpatak mo ng sisenta, at wala ka pang asawa

Kakaladkarin kita sa loob ng kapilya

At sa ayaw mo't sa gusto, pakakasal tayo

Kasi naman ayaw ko...

Na tumanda kang dalaga, at tumanda akong binata

Kaya habang maaga pa, mag-isip isip ka na.

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Immature, Stupid, and Careless...

I have a female friend during college. We were close, and we were always together. One day, she told me the story of her life, it was pretty sad. At first, I reacted negatively, I wondered  how she became so immature, stupid and careless. But then, I realize, aren't we all immature, stupid and careless at some point in our life? Isn't that the whole point of living? We commit mistakes because that's what we are, fragile, but on the other hand, we also have the ability to correct those mistakes and most of all, learn from them.

This is her story.

Ang Mabagal na Pagdaan ng Apat na Taon sa Aking Buhay

Apat na taon na ang lumipas, ano na bang nagbago? Sa tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin, tulad parin naman ng dati. Pumayat lang ng konti, tumangkad lang ng konti, pero tulad pa rin ng dati. Ako pa rin ito, ang babaeng minahal mo noon. Nag-mature lang siguro ng konti ang pananaw ko ngayon, pero dulot lang 'yon ng apat na taong mabagal na dumaan sa buhay ko. Apat na taon na puno ng paghihirap, pangungulila, at pag-iisa. Apat na taon na isang malaking trahedya, apat na taon na hindi kita kasama.

Naaalala ko pa noon, third year high school tayo, akala nating dalawa yun na ang pinakamasayang sandali ng buhay natin. Sa tuwing hawak ko ang iyong kamay, nararamdaman ko ang higpit nito, nadarama ko ang init ng yong palad, na para bang nagsasabing hindi kita bibitiwan.. sa tuwing tinititigan kita sa mata, nakikita ko ang iyong pag-ibig, ang iyong tunay na pag-ibig na nagbibigay ng buhay sa napapagal kong puso. Sa bawat mong hininga, sa bawat pintig ng yong dibdib, tila ba isang laksang ibon na umaawit ng mahal na mahal kita at hindi kita iiwan. Nang mga panahong iyon, pakiramdam ko'y ako na ang pinaka-masuwerteng babae sa buong mundo.

Pero napakabata ko pa nang sandaling iyon, napakaliit ko pang tao kung ikukupampara sa dambuhalang daigdig na ginagalawan ko. Para akong sumasayaw sa saliw ng tugtugin na noon ko lang narinig sa tanang buhay ko. Mabilis ang takbo ng musika, singbilis ng rumaragasang ilog, at sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakataon, natangay ako ng aking kapusukan, natangay ako ng aking kabataan.

Nagloko ako. Naglaro, akala ko'y pupuwede, akala ko'y makakatagal ako, pero hindi pala. May mga nanuyo sa akin, mga nanligaw, at sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, sa kapangahasan ng pagiging bata, ng pagiging dalaga, nagpaunlak ako sa isa. Hindi mo lang alam noon, pero habang nakatalikod ka, ibang lalake ang kasama ko, na para bang hindi pa ako kuntento sa iyo. Ayaw kitang saktan, ayaw kitang lokohin, gusto ko lang namang sumubok, mag-eksperimento, gusto ko lang namang pag-aralang sumakay sa laro na kung tawagin ng iba'y pag-ibig. Kaya lang natalo ako.

Ika nga, walang lihim na hindi nabubunyag, kaya nakarating din sa'yo ang kagagahan ko. Lumapit ka sa akin, umiiyak, nagtatanong kung saan ka nagkamali, kung saan ka nagkulang, at kung bakit kinailangan ko pang humanap ng iba. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko. Ikaw, na halos isang perpektong lalaki, wala kang naging pagkukulang. Kung tutuusi'y labis labis pa nga ang pagmamahal mo, labis labis ang mga ibinigay mo, labis labis ang pinadama mong pag-ibig. Sinabi ko sa'yo na ako ang nagkulang, na ako ang nagkamali. Nagi-guilty ako sa sarili ko, hindi ako karapat-dapat sa pag-ibig mo. Hindi ako karapat-dapat sa mga luha mo. Nung araw ding iyon, nakipaghiwalay ako sa'yo. Ayaw na kitang lokohin, ayaw na kitang saktan pa. Kaya iyon na lang ang pinakamainam na solusyong naisip ko.

Akala ko ayos na ang lahat, pero hindi pa rin. Hindi rin kami nagtagal. Isa kong talunan, nawala ka na, nawala pa siya. Pero nung panahon na gumuho ang mundo ko, bumalik ka, bukas ang kamay, at handang mag-alay ng ikalawang pagkakataon. Gustong-gusto mong gawin 'yon. Sa tuwing malungkot ako, pinapasaya mo ako. Sa tuwing bagsak ako, inaangat mo ako. Muli mong ipinaramdam sa akin ang iyong pag-mamahal, pag-mamahal na minsan kong binalewala. Ang saya-saya ko no'n, dahil napatawad mo 'ko.

Pero napakahina ko talaga. Minsan na akong tinangay ng agos, tapos dumating ka't inahon ako. Ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung bakit ako muling bumitaw. Siguro nga tanga ako, nagpatangay ako sa agos, at naligaw ako ng landas, hanggang umabot sa puntong ako mismo di ko lam kung may pag-asa pa ba kong makaligtas. Napasubo ako sa masamang barkada, pati pag-aaral ko napabayaan ko na, pati pamilya ko, muntikan na akong itakwil. Fourth year high school tayo no'n, nanganganib kung makakatapos ako ng pag-aaral, pero wala akong pakialam ng mga panahong iyon. Nabulag ako ng aking kabataan, ng aking kapangahasan. Nabulag na halos hindi na kita makita. Ang hindi ko alam, lagi ka palang nasa tabi ko. Kahit nung mga panahong makailang ulit tayong naghiwalay, at makailang ulit din tayong nagbalikan. Palagi kang nandun, iniintindi ako, inuunawa, pilit mong tinatama ang mga mali ko, pilit mo kong tinutuwid, pilit mo kong inaahon, pilit mong inaabot ang kamay ko. Pero, katangahan ko, kagagahan ko, makailang ulit din kitang binalewala.

Graduation no'n, kung hindi pa kinausap ni daddy ang eskwelahan, hindi pa ako makaka-akyat ng entablado. Habang ang iba nating kamag-aral ay nagsasaya, nasa isang sulok tayong dalawa, umiiyak. Nung araw na 'yon, tuluyan kong sinuko ang lahat, hindi na kinaya ng kunsensya ko, hindi ko kayang tingnan ka na patuloy na nakaalalay sa akin. Habang ako, patuloy sa mga kalokohan ko. Mabait ka, matalino, guwapo, may malaking bukas na naghihintay sa'yo, samantalang sa akin, impyerno. Ayaw na kitang idamay pa sa lahat ng kagagahan ko. Nakakaasar ka nga eh, dahil palagi kang nan'dyan sa tuwing kailangan kita. Hindi ko tuloy malaman kung anong nagustuhan mo sa akin. Masakit mang tanggapin pero mukhang hindi ko talaga kayang tumbasan ang pagmamahal mo. Masyado kang perpekto para sa akin, masyado akong gaga para sa iyo.

Naglayas ako sa amin, sumama sa iba. Tuluyan ko nang winasak ang buhay ko, tuluyan ko nang sinira ang lahat. Nawalan na rin ako ng balita sa iyo, pero ayos lang. Mabuti na wala akong alam tungkol sa'yo. Ayoko na ring malaman mo ang tungkol sa impyernong kinalalagyan ko. Ilan taon rin ang lumipas.

Apat na taon ang nakaraan mula nung una mo kong minahal, magta-tatlong taon mula nung huli tayong nagkita. Ano na bang mga nagbago? Sa tuwing tumitingin ako sa salamin, tulad pa rin naman ng dati. Nararamdaman ko pa rin ang pag-ibig mo. Ang higpit ng yong kapit, ang init ng iyong hininga, lahat ng tungkol sa'yo, sariwa pa rin sa utak ko. Pakiramdam ko, sa isang panig ng mundo, nandun ka, hinihintay ako. At nang makausap ko ang isang malapit sa'yo, mukhang tama nga ang hinala ko. Mula nang naghiwalay tayo, kailan ka lang daw nanligaw ulit. Sa loob ng halos tatlong taon, ako lang daw lagi ang iniisip mo. Sinubukan mo daw akong hanapin, pero magaling akong magtago. Sinubukan mo rin daw akong kalimutan, pero ayaw ng puso mo. Sa loob ng mahabang panahon na iyon, ako lang daw ang minahal mo. Tuluyan ko nang iniwan ang impyerno ko. Sinubukan ko ring kalimutan ang lahat ng demonyo sa buhay ko. Nakauwi na rin ako sa amin. Pumapasok na uli ako sa eskwela. Magsisimula na ako ng panibagong buhay. Sapat na ang apat na taon na pagdurusa para maging puhunan ko sa bago kong paglalakbay. At ngayon, malakas na ako, hindi na ako kayang tangayin ng kahit anong tindi pang alon. Ang kulang na lang, ikaw. Gusto ko sana kasama kita sa panibago kong simula, gusto ko sanang bumalik sa'yo, sana tanggapin mo pa ako. Ngayon, sigurado na akong kaya kong tumbasan ang pagmamahal mo. Kaya na kitang mahalin ng tulad ng ginawa mo.

Kanina, galing ako sa inyo. Wala ka, pumasok ka daw sa eskwela. Sayang, matagal na rin kitang hindi nakita. Kumusta ka na kaya? May nagbago kaya sa'yo? Mahal mo pa rin kaya ako? Hindi ko inaasahan, masakit dahil hindi ko inaasahan ang mga naging sagot sa tanong ko.

May bago ka na daw girlfriend. Kailan lang daw nang naging kayo. Matagal-tagal din bago ka nakahanap ng iba. Siguro napagod ka na. Parang ako daw siya. Katulad na katulad ko daw nung una mo kong makita nung high school tayo. Maliit at chubby din daw. Kung may minahal ka nga daw, yun ay ang ako na nakita mo sa kanya. Kakatwa, pero sobrang sakit.

Hindi kita masisisi kung napagod ka na. hindi kita masisisi kung nagsawa ka na sa kahihintay. Kasalanan ko naman ang lahat, ako ang nagkamali, ako ang nagkulang. Marami akong mga naging pagsisisi, pero ang pinaka-pinagsisisihan ko sa lahat, yun ay ang minsan dumating ka sa buhay ko, pero binalewala kita. Ang ibang tao, ginagawa ang lahat makuha lang pag-ibig na inaasam nila. Samantalang ako, nakuha ko na, pinabayaan ko pang mawala.

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The Princess' Heart

long, long time ago, in a land far, far away, there lived a young and lonely thief. He spends his days searching for adventures and looking for valuables to plunder. One day, he stumbled upon a small castle. Curious as he is, he entered the castle stealthily one night, and found that there lived a beautiful princess, sleeping and surrounded by scores of treasures from different parts of the world. Naturally, he picked one of the gems and placed it inside his pocket. Suddenly, the princess awoke and saw what the thief did.

“And where are you taking one of my treasures?” said the princess.

“Well, I'm a thief, so I'll take it for myself”, he answered.

“Oh no you won’t, I have guards, wizards and a dragon all under my disposal, so if you want to get of here alive, you have to give me something in return", said the princess.

“But, what could I give someone like you who has everything in this world?" mumbled the thief.

As it turns out, the princess has been living inside the castle since she was young, and hasn’t seen the outside world. So, the princess demanded that the thief tell her a story instead.

“A story? For a treasure?” said the thief.

“Yes, any story from the outside. You can tell me what it feels like to be climbing on trees, or swimming on the river, or watching the townspeople walking around on their duties.”

And thus, their friendship began. Every night, the thief would break-in inside the castle, and traded with the princess a treasure for a story. He told her the legends of the wolves that live along the wilderness, his adventures as a pirate across the vast ocean, and his exploits to find all the greatest treasures around the world.

The princess enjoyed all the stories the thief had told, and said that the he can steal anything inside the castle except for her heart.

However, one day, the thief wondered how it is to steal the princess' heart. So he decided to sneak into the castle one night, and steal it. When the princess awoke, she was shocked to find that she was missing her heart.

“Who stole my heart?!?” the princess' voice echoed across the hallways of the castle.

The thief heard the princess, and so he admitted his mistake. The princess was mad, “I told you not to steal my heart, but since you already did, you must give me something in return.”

“But I don't have a story as valuable as your heart!” the thief complained.

“Then why not give me your heart as well.” And so, the thief carved out his heart and offered it to the princess.

Sometimes the thief would sneak the princess out of the castle, and he would take her to different adventures. He took her to the ends of a giant rainbow, as they collected the treasures while the Leprechaun was looking away. They went and played on flowering gardens as they laughed and giggled loudly. They rode around the town on a horse and, leaping and galloping along the avenues. They would lie down on a cornfield as the sun sets behind the mountains. The princess and the thief are overjoyed, and he promised her that he would hold her heart forever.

But one day, the thief was tasked by his master to recover a relic from an island far from the castle. He bid the princess goodbye and promised that he will take care of the princess' heart, as it is the greatest treasure he ever found. Months passed by, and the thief finally returned from his deed, but to his amazement, the castle was not like what he left it. It was old and abandoned and weary, and the princess was gone. He roamed the forests, searching for her, until his foots brought him to another castle. There, he saw the princess staring outside her windows. The thief scaled the castle, and entered the princess’ room.

“What happened?” asked the thief.

“I met someone”, said the princess, “and he wants to have my heart. Can I have my heart back now?”

“But…I thought you heart was mine? I gave you my own heart for it. I took care of your heart; I never did anything that would harm it, “answered the thief.

“I’m sorry, but I want it back now. I will give you back your heart as well.”

“No,” cried the thief, “I don’t need it, and I don’t take back things that I have given away”, he added as he slowly handed the princess’ heart to her.

Heartless, the thief turned around and walked outside the castle. From then on, the thief lived a sad and lonely life again.

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